Taking Care of Yourself

I haven't been this sick since the first year that I taught. I have my first-ever case of bronchitis and I haven't felt 100% since I can't remember when. In the last two weeks, my respiratory health has gotten worse and I am finally on antibiotics to help with the bronchitis now - and I stayed home today. I feel guilty every time I take a sick day. I was conditioned that you don't miss work unless you have a fever, but when you never run a fever, it's hard to make that case.

I can't remember when the last time was that I felt 100%, because I've been seeing spots in my vision. They stay in relatively the same area of my eye and don't generally grow or shrink. They've been there so long that I make note of it and move on. But, this week, I saw neuro-ophthalmology at the University of Iowa. My optic nerve is swollen.

There really wasn't more that they could tell me - other than my optic nerve is swollen and I will need an MRI and an additional test. Apparently there are lots of reasons that an optic nerve can swell, but the doctors that I saw really didn't elaborate on what it could be. They said sometimes it can be as a result of weight gain - but, I've lost weight. In fact, I've lost about 25 pounds since the beginning of 2018. To anyone else that sounds like a ton of weight. I feel like it means nothing.

I whisper that I've lost 25 pounds. I should be shouting that I've lost 25 pounds, but I feel like it's invisible because I need to lose about another 100 and I will still be in the obese category, but I will be comfortable at that weight. The doctors asked what I did to lose the weight. I said a variety of things. I joined Noom. I read The Slight Edge. I purged my basement. I started meditating with Calm. I focused on my mental health more than my physical health and that has produced the greatest results with my weight loss. Sure, the stars aligning to make sure that everything I did aligned perfectly helped greatly to get me started.

I got started on a journey to take better care of myself, but I have had a slip on the journey. I still journal and meditate everyday, but my use of #theslightedge and being a #noomnerd is not thriving right now. I want to live in the important, but not urgent quadrant of Steven Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I want to make sure that I am eating well and exercising, meditating and journaling. I want to take better care of myself, but the first step in doing so is to acknowledge that sometimes you have to give yourself permission to rest. You have to give yourself permission to be okay with the circumstances life throws at you. You have to give yourself permission to be human - even if that means that you spend a day on the couch resting.