ROI on Lifelong Learning and My Career Crossroad

If I take a serious look at my formal educational value and return on investment between my master's degree, my undergrad, my teaching licensure re-certification fees, and the additional cost of adding on an ESL endorsement to my already abundant certifications for the state of Iowa, one may say that my return on investment is still in the red. I still owe about $2000 on my undergraduate and graduate loans combined - and in the grand scheme where some people pay mortgage payments toward their student loans, mine are relatively small. So why I am I considering getting an EdD?

An EdD is classified as a "terminal" degree in the world of education, meaning that beyond that there really isn't an advantage to having more formal education, but I know that I will never be satisfied without learning more and more and more. But the $40,000 investment (more than I paid out-of-pocket for my master's and bachelor's combined) holds me back from diving into a competitive admission process of a 3 year cohort to receive a transcript that says I will know more 3 years from now than I do today.

In addition to the cost, I am still not sure what I want to be when I grow up. I love the work I do to empower students to do quality online work and earn a high school diploma, but I have been ready for a change for awhile. While the Leadership and Innovation Program at Arizona State University meets my requirements for an asynchronous online program and a focus on higher education track, I have always wanted to write.

So, I am in the crossroads of a career pathway. Do I blaze my way into a program and try to be "in the know" on the disruption that IS coming in education? Do I stick to my written goal of being able to freelance write and consult by June 30, 2019? Or do I combine my goals?

I am learning a lot more about writing right now. I am in a professional writing circle. I am also taking an online class, Introduction to Internet Writing. I have free wrote almost every morning for quite some time (more than a year) in my journal. I have written, but not edited, a 50,000 word novel for NaNoWriMo 2017, and I tried to participate in Camp NaNoWriMo in July. Writing is a part of me. But so is education.

While the ROI in the truest sense of the term is still in the red, the investment that I have made in myself through self-learning, participating in lifelong learning opportunities, and continual improvement is much more than the initial $26,000 out-of-pocket investment I made in my undergrad and graduate programs. It is the relationships that I have built. It is the constant push to be the best version of myself and to never stop learning.

Whether I immerse myself in a post-graduate program or jump off the high dive into a world of freelance and consulting work, I will always be a learner.

Leave a comment on what questions you would ask yourself if you were me.

Nails of a Bowling Ball

Since I had my fingernails painted in a marble swirl on the afternoon of August 3rd at Nail World in Cedar Rapids, I have received so many compliments and have been a walking advertisement for the work that they do. The only person who seems to think otherwise is my husband - who believes that I had my nails done to look like a bowling ball.

When my husband suggested bowling tonight, I originally wasn't looking forward to doing anything but the bare minimum to survive tonight; but, I am glad we went. It was a family-focused activity where the kids could explore the cause and effect of rolling the bowling ball down the lane. My daughter danced her way to throwing the ball down the lane and my son laid on the floor listening for the ball to come up the return. Their actions were very much what I expect from each of the kids.

My daughter is always dancing, singing, or moving - and my son likes to figure out how things work. Therefore the wiggling, giggling, and sashaying up to the line by my daughter did not surprise me and if my son really wants to lay on the floor - I'll let him. And if my husband really thinks my nails look like a bowling ball so be it. With this thick layer of awesomeness painted on (it's not dipped), I am relishing the fact that none of my nails chipped while bowling, something that has never happened before.

The Lake Effect Shower

The after effects of a lake effect shower

I know that it was my thirty-first birthday when I first encountered the danger of leaving one child unsupervised in the bathroom. It wasn't because of all the normal reasons that experts tell you not to leave a child alone in the bathroom (drowning, razors, medicine cabinets, etc.) - it was because it was dangerous to let your child be unsupervised for any length of time when she is two and can reach the baby powder.

I know that it was my 31st birthday, because I shared it with my grandma and we had to travel that day to visit her in the nursing home. I was feeding baby brother at the same time that my older child thought it would be a grand idea to shake the baby powder all over the bathroom. 

Brother was only 4 days shy of being six months old and sister (culprit) was a mere 2 1/2 as of Christmas day. But boy did she make a ginormous mess. Now in typical 2 1/2 year old fashion, she was quiet - which any non-exhausted, experienced mom will tell you is generally not an indication of the child finding his/her way to a peaceful slumber, but rather a way of finding his/her way to creating a mess. In fact it was such a layer of baby powder snow that I was able to capture a perfect footprint picture to forever commemerate my 31st birthday.

Fast forward five and a half years and the messes get bigger. Tonight, I was clearing the table, conversing with my husband, and I hear the high pitched silly laughter that only my children can produce when they are having oodles of fun. Noticing that it was 7:30 PM, rounding on 8 PM, I rushed to tell them that they needed to get their pajamas on, but in my bathroom - where they both were standing in the shower - the floor was a lake. 

My generally calm disposition went right out the window and I did not do as I did with the baby powder snow and join in - but I did throw some towels at them and told them to clean it up. They didn't get it cleaned up on the first try - so we had some repeated attempts at drying the floor. 

Now not only will I have the baby powder snow of January 6th, 2013 cemented to memory, but I will also have the Lake Effect Shower of August 27th, 2018 fresh in my mind - and I hope my kids will remember that it is a lot of fun to make the mess, but mom will make you clean it up.

The Struggle to Find Joy

I've been on a personal development journey. It began when I read The Slight Edge in January, joined Noom, and started actively participating in meditation through the Calm app. One thing that I struggle with is finding joy in the present moment and being okay with where I am at right now.

I have a lot to be thankful for. I have two children who are becoming more independent every day. In fact, this week my son decided that he would take showers instead of baths and needs virtually no assistance with this task. I have a daughter who willingly takes our 13 year old (we're not sure if he's 12 or 13, but he's old) lab on a walk around the block. We always have clean clothes to wear and if the dishes aren't done we have paper plates. But I struggle. I struggle to really feel the gratitude through the busyness of the Back-to-School season, the inadequacies of my finances to meet all my wants, and the lack of growth opportunities in my career.

To an outsider, I look successful - like I have it all figured out, but in reality I fail more than I succeed and my house is a constant war zone until our amazing #morethanmaids company comes on a bi-weekly basis to take one task off my plate. 

In my head though, I want to constantly compare myself to other people. To my siblings, to my coworkers, to my friends. That is definitely not going to help me become happier with myself. If I want to compare myself with anyone - it should be myself from a year ago, five years ago, or ten years ago. How have I grown? What has been successful during that time?  When I stop and reflect on myself, I see how much I have grown and that breeds happiness.

There are also days when I want to choose to see the negatives in life versus the positives. There are times when I want to say "The hell with all this exponential growth talk! I am just going to stop caring, stop doing, and stop investing because it doesn't matter anyways." But I haven't given up on my commitments to myself: truly living a grateful life and looking for joy (even when the light is off).

My Story - The Reason that I am Pro-Choice - Part 2

The Birth Day

My prenatal appointments had been going well, but I was concerned that this one would be different. I was concerned that my doctor would send me home on bed rest - after all this little peanut wasn't supposed to be born until near the end of July. However, being born on June 25th did have the advantage of being the perfect birthday - it was quite literally half of a year away from Christmas. 

"How was the urine test?" I asked at the end of my appointment. 

My doctor looked it up and said that my test showed 303 and the cut-off for pre-eclampsia was 300. He was admitting me for hospital bed rest and then the baby would be born as soon as I made it to 37 weeks. However, since the last ultrasound that I had had was my 18 week one - he ordered another one. 

When the technician measured the baby inside - she immediately called the doctor and he said we'd be having a baby today. She was measuring six weeks behind. So instead of being nearly 6 pounds - she was only 3 pounds 6 oz. He didn't want to wait any longer and so as soon as my husband returned from a full-daily rate lost parking ticket trip home - I was prepped for a C-Section and our daughter was born. 

I remember that day. I remember that she was small and squawky. I remember that I couldn't hold her because of how the IV was inserted in me and I couldn't move my arm. I remember seeing her and hearing her, but I don't remember much else. 

She was taken to the NICU - but man was she fiesty. She still is, of course. She alarmed the nurses because she could do things that no baby, especially one that was premature and one that was only a few days out of the womb could do.

Let's take a took at what would have happened if I hadn't asked the question. I could have died. My baby girl almost certainly could have died - as my doctor said, "At this point, what are we waiting for?"

The flurry of emotions that surrounds a new mom is overwhelming. It is overwhelming because you now have to take care of someone other than yourself and you have to put your children's needs ahead of your own - in theory. However, when you experience a NICU stay, you realize you must take care of yourself before you are anywhere close to being able to take care of your baby.

With my daughter being my first, I had loads of support. Every time I turned around the baby had visitors and they were asking if there was anything I needed. But what about the moms that don't have that and know that they need to make a decision early on to terminate a pregnancy? What about the moms who could die if they are not in the right place at exactly the right time? Is it okay for society to dictate to them what is best for their health?

In Part 3, I will tell the story of my son's birth - and the emotional overload that I still experience.

The First Day of School - Evening

I had a long day. School starting means that my canyon of leisurely accomplishing my everyday tasks catapulted into the highest, steepest, tallest mountain and I can't really describe my job as being anything other than part teacher, part school counselor, part school administration, and part school secretary. There are lots tasks that are so mundane I don't think about them everyday and there are tasks that accelerate at exponential speed when school counselors, principals, and students are back in their brick-and-mortar buildings - tasks that still exist when we have the valleys, just not as frequently. Instead of a steady pace of hitting the mountaintop peak, it is a catapult up to the top with no incremental steps.

Couple the spring of hitting the mountain peak with the implementation of new processes and what I need is an exponential growth of my patience. Instead, I am short with my husband - because he doesn't ask if there's anything he can help me with. I am short with my kids because they can't read my mind and understand that we need to leave for gymnastics now. I am impatient. I am tired. My house is a mess - dishes haven't been done this week and my laundry is vomiting out dirty clothes. I also haven't slept well. And the work processes? Well, they will get better - but to keep the majority of people happy with the data-processes, we had to implement the change at about the worst possible time for me.

What should reduce duplication of efforts has not proved to reduce my processes yet. My process worked before - it worked because I was able to delegate tasks and knew how to complete them in a pinch, but right now, the process has slowed me down. It won't always, but I like to live with the Amazon philosophy of customer obsession. I have communicated the hiccup to the superusers of my program and I am exercising my patience with those that I rely on to do my job - but for my family - my patience is gone.

I didn't have sidewalk chalk for our annual tradition of drawing the grade level around the child and taking photos this morning. So I bought some after work. I got the kids. I got home. Immediately we went outside to sidewalk chalk it up. My daughter didn't wait for me to get her brother's K done before jumping in and my son was blinded by the sun - so my pictures turned out crappy.

The two around my daughter was not filled in and I was beyond done in waiting on her to do so - so I left her outside. When they look back at their pictures, they'll be disappointed that for Kindergarten and 2nd grades their back to school pictures are pretty crappy - because mom had a crappy day.

The First day of School - Morning

My children start their first days of kindergarten and second grade today. I am sending them on the bus. As much as I would love to be there when they walk through the doors, they need the independence today. It is probably harder for us, as parents, to let our kids grow up, than for our kids to be independent.

They've both ridden the bus before. They will be fine. They have a bus attendant and a bus driver - so all the mistakes that could be made will probably not be made - unlike when I started school. I walked on the bus confidently my first day of kindergarten, but didn't know that you shouldn't sit more than three people in a seat. I just saw a bus full of students and picked a random seat. Now, there's someone guiding my children, so I know that they'll be fine.

Once they walk in to the school, they will either wait for their teacher, or they will go eat breakfast. The second grader has been to this school before, so I have no doubt she will bossily, and possibly in a helpful way, show my son how things are done. Thankfully they will head to their classes at 8:40 and each of them will be able to be independent.

Through the day, they will find routines. They will learn the expectation of their classrooms and their school, and they will review the JSA Way - I am kind. I am calm. I am a listener. I believe I can, I KNOW I can! (Words that we should all live by).