This Is Us

Last week in my misery, I did get some quality time with Hulu. I watched the full first season of The Resident, and watched the season premieres of This Is Us and The Good Doctor. In my busyness of being a mom, working two jobs (one full-time and one very part-time), writing, and volunteering, I have few occasions to veg out and binge watch television, but when you can't breathe and talk for more than two sentences, watching TV becomes almost as attractive as sleep.

I absolutely love This Is Us. Maybe it is because Kate, Randall, and Kevin are in their mid-thirties so their life experiences are my life experiences. Maybe it is because Jack and Rebecca have a fabulous love story. Or maybe it is because it is just a well-written script and it pulls you in. But, in all reality, it is probably because I identify with Kate.

Spoiler Alert: I will be giving things away about the first episode of season 3, so read on with caution.

Season 3 begins at the end of Kate and Toby's wedding, fast-forwards to throwing out pregnancy tests that say "Not Pregnant" and a visit to the doctor's office where Kate is told she has PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome). Unlike Kate, I never was diagnosed with PCOS, but like Kate, I was told that my weight was likely causing my infertility problems. Like Kate, I have never been small. Like Kate, I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. Unlike Kate, I never considered IVF, but like Kate, I sat across from doctors that said, "at your BMI, a pregnancy is likely to be unsuccessful." And also like Kate, I walked out of doctors' offices in tears.

At her birthday brunch, Kate blows out the candles, tells everyone her wish for a baby and then breaks down and says, "Do you know that I've lost 40 pounds? Yep, slow and steady, no fad diets, no pills, no slip ups." Then Kate describes how hard it is to be positive, how hard it is to not give up, and how hard it is to never feel like you have a break.

As a person who has been labeled obese my whole life, I look at the medical community that is trying to be empathetic and say, "I know this isn't what you want to hear," or "I know hard it is to cook healthy meals," and think in what flipping universe do you know what it is like to be me, a person who has never been thin? So, like Kate, I have walked out of doctor's visits wondering when is the universe going to cut me a break.