The Struggle to Find Joy

I've been on a personal development journey. It began when I read The Slight Edge in January, joined Noom, and started actively participating in meditation through the Calm app. One thing that I struggle with is finding joy in the present moment and being okay with where I am at right now.

I have a lot to be thankful for. I have two children who are becoming more independent every day. In fact, this week my son decided that he would take showers instead of baths and needs virtually no assistance with this task. I have a daughter who willingly takes our 13 year old (we're not sure if he's 12 or 13, but he's old) lab on a walk around the block. We always have clean clothes to wear and if the dishes aren't done we have paper plates. But I struggle. I struggle to really feel the gratitude through the busyness of the Back-to-School season, the inadequacies of my finances to meet all my wants, and the lack of growth opportunities in my career.

To an outsider, I look successful - like I have it all figured out, but in reality I fail more than I succeed and my house is a constant war zone until our amazing #morethanmaids company comes on a bi-weekly basis to take one task off my plate. 

In my head though, I want to constantly compare myself to other people. To my siblings, to my coworkers, to my friends. That is definitely not going to help me become happier with myself. If I want to compare myself with anyone - it should be myself from a year ago, five years ago, or ten years ago. How have I grown? What has been successful during that time?  When I stop and reflect on myself, I see how much I have grown and that breeds happiness.

There are also days when I want to choose to see the negatives in life versus the positives. There are times when I want to say "The hell with all this exponential growth talk! I am just going to stop caring, stop doing, and stop investing because it doesn't matter anyways." But I haven't given up on my commitments to myself: truly living a grateful life and looking for joy (even when the light is off).

It's Not Having What You Want, It's Wanting What You've Got

"It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got." - Soak Up the Sun by Sheryl Crow

In January, I really started to focus on personal development. I read The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson, joined Noom, downloaded Calm, and continued my daily journaling practice. Although there are many things that each media taught me, the best gift that I can give myself is gratitude. 

Happy people are successful people. Jeff Olson devotes a whole chapter to this concept in The Slight Edge. Calm has a seven day program to explore gratitude. Noom celebrates what is going well in a journey to lifelong health - and focuses on all aspects of health, including mental health. 

To be happy, one must be grateful. So often, we focus on all the things we don't have. We focus on not having a new car or a new house. We focus on not having a new job or new relationship. But, what if, instead, we focus on the home that we already have? The car that takes to and from work, the job that pays our bills, or the relationship that we've invested in over time?

Sheryl Crow says it well in Soak Up the Sun, "It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got." When we want want we already have, we can be grateful. We can appreciate life around us and we can be part of a kinder humanity.

As a person I practice kindness everyday. I begin my work day with thank yous and end my day reflecting on what I am grateful for. Generally, I am not thankful for stuff, but rather I am thankful for the interactions that I have had with someone. And, my quarter of an investment in the way of a card can put a smile on someone's face for the day and I often get some kind of acknowledgement later, which I don't need, but I am happy to celebrate someone else's day.

As a mom, I need to share this with my children. We talk about things that make us happy and sad during the day, but I hear, "Mom, I need to order a new Power Ranger Megazord from Amazon. Mom, did you know there's a toy store in Kansas City? Mom, Walmart has a toy section [giggle, giggle]," nearly everyday from my 6 year old. So now that I am focused way more on having gratitude in my adult life, I am going to start posing the questions to my children, "What do you already have that you are thankful for?" and "How can we spread more kindness in the world?"