My Gifts

I took the dog out for a quick walk tonight. We generally don't go on very many walks, but I am trying to change my lifestyle - and it's definitely not super easy. On our walk, I was thinking about the gifts that I have in my personal and professional life.

First, I am patient. I am about the most patient person on the planet until I've hit my limit of stress for the day and then I snap. I snap at my husband. I snap at my children. I snap at the dog and the cat, but if you're a stranger I probably won't snap at you. I tell other people that my own mom "has the patience of a saint - for anyone that is not her child." Generally my patience is not just for those strangers, but is for everyone in my life.

Second, I am calm. I stay very calm - except when I've told my daughter 18 times that it is time to go and finally have to resort to yelling at her to get even a minuscule amount of her attention. I offer up the choice and consequences of her actions as calmly as possible and on the days she's had her medicine it works - other days not so much (she has ADHD).

Third, I am great at training others. I give step-by-step directions. They are detailed and they start at the beginning. So when I am training other colleagues on a new software program, I deliver an SOP with screenshots and it starts at the very beginning. I write user-guides like I am making them for my own mom - who again has the patience of a saint - for anyone that is not her child. If I am trying to teach her something new, especially when it comes to technology, I start at the power button and work my way up from there. With screen casting, I can also make videos which is incredibly helpful in my professional life teaching ESL students.

Are these all my gifts? Nope. Is this the short list of my most outstanding ones? Yes. Now I am off to give the greatest gift of all - the gift of reading to my children and promoting literacy at home.

Mom, How Do I Order it from Amazon?

I was sitting in the van, getting ready to take my children somewhere. I'm sure it was daycare or gymnastics - all routine places that we go frequently. There was nothing special about the day until my 6 year old son told me, "I need to order a #PowerRanger Megazord from Amazon."

My son labels everything with precise labels. He labels his transformers, #Bumblebee, and #OptimusPrime. He labels his shoes #Skechers or #UnderArmor. He speaks with precision so that we know exactly what he means - well most of the time.

So the surprise didn't come from, "#PowerRanger Megazord." It came from "order" and "#Amazon."

I don't know about the rest of you, but at 6 years old, I was not worried about ordering a new toy from a website. (Okay - websites didn't exist at all when I was 6). Nor was I worried about ordering a new toy from a catalog or off of an infomercial.

I'd love to say that when I was 6 I was riding bikes and digging holes, but the truth is, I don't remember what I was doing when I was 6. I do, however, know that I sure wasn't ordering anything off of Amazon (and my son won't be either).

My Morning Routine

I just finished listening to the audio book of My Morning Routine: How Successful People Start Every Day Inspired by Benjamin Spall and Michael Xander. The authors interviewed many successful people that described their morning routine and give advice to the listeners/readers as to how successful people start their days.

It is not surprising that many successful people do not start their day with email. Many have more introverted activities such as journaling or meditation, or even exercise, to begin their days and many will not put their phones in their bedrooms. As I listened to this I had some questions:

1.) Am I unsuccessful at getting enough sleep because my phone is my alarm clock?
2.) Could I be a freelance writer?
3.) Am I doing anything to inhibit my creativity?
4.) How do I define success?
5.) Is there room in my morning routine to add exercise?

I'd like to take a look at each of my questions individually.

My phone
When I go to bed, my phone is near my pillow. The "Do Not Disturb" setting is turned on from 9 PM to 5 AM. It is face down and I am generally not on it at night, unless all my physical print publications have been read and I have downloaded an e-book from the library. Most of the people interviewed for this book would not have a problem with my phone being in my bedroom, not being used, as long as I have the discipline to follow through on not using it (which is 95% of the time).

Freelance Writing
I spoke with my husband yesterday about the possibility of becoming a freelance writer. Ideally, I would find a book contract and I would become the next Jodi Picoult or J.K. Rowling; however, I am not sure how to go about finding an agent to break into that field - or even if I am in the right place at the right time like some authors find themselves. My goal for myself during the next year is to learn about freelance work. I will take an online class and I will commit to posting at least one blog post per week.

Inhibition of Creativity
I don't think I am inhibiting my creativity. That doesn't mean that I always have creative juices flowing through my veins, but I definitely have embraced "Creation Before Input." From the time I heard that phrase, I have actively put off logging in to my social media accounts to start my day. I may check them before I leave home, but not without my journaling and meditation time first. My routine is to let the dog out, feed him, get a cup of tea or coffee (depending on my relationship with sugar at the moment - coffee if I am carefree about sugar and want a little sugar with my coffee, but tea when I am conscientious of what is actually entering my mouth in the sweets department), retreat to my writing station - currently in the corner of our guest bedroom - where I journal for at least twenty minutes, and I follow it up with The Daily Calm. I would say that I am doing well at creating before I even think of checking my phone - but if I fail, I forgive myself.

Success
I want to compare myself to other people and measure my success by their houses, their cars, their lifestyles; but, I need to compare myself to myself from the past. When I focus on where I was six and eight years ago, I have grown exponentially as a person. Eight years ago I became a mom and there is nothing like a child that challenges you to have more of a routine. Six years ago our second child was born. He was a preemie. I have not only kept him alive (that's a huge success for all moms out there - go you) and he wants to play with me. That's success. My daughter is a reader now. She struggles with attention and she bombed her winter reading test, but she made huge gains in the spring and we've actually read this summer (another success). My marriage - definitely not perfect - has survived for 12 years. My student loans are nearly paid off and neither car is tied to a car payment - another way that I am successful. I have a job that I mostly like - and it pays me well, but also affords me the flexibility to attend all the kids' school activities and be a mentor to others. I'm going to choose to define success by my level of happiness - which is about an 8 or a 9 today.

Exercise in My Morning Routine
Right now, there's no way that I am going to attempt to add in exercise to my morning routine. I rise at 5:15 AM, if not a little earlier, and spend the first hour of my day journaling and meditating. I have never been a morning exerciser and when I have tried to add it to my morning routine in the past I have failed. Therefore, I am perfectly happy keeping my exercise for later in the day when I can be social with others at an aqua aerobics class or swim some laps at an outdoor pool. It's okay that exercise in the mornings doesn't work for me. Maybe if I get to be a freelance writer exercise will slot in an earlier time, but for now evenings it is.

Overall, I would say that my morning routine allows me to focus on myself. Self-care is an important part of my well-being, but I still struggle with the "mommy-guilt" when I put myself first. Now that my children are older, "mommy-guilt" is slowly disappearing and it's being replaced with "why the &%$# did I want kids." But occasionally I see the markings in my journal with "Mome, I luv you," and I am reminded that my kids are watching how I navigate the world and I can only hope that they give themselves permission when they have kids to take care of themselves.

The Reality of Having a Child with ADHD

My child was recently diagnosed with ADHD. It wasn't a surprise that she has it. After all, her dad does.

What is a surprise is how little I know about it, even though I am an educator. What is a surprise is how wearing it is on the person that doesn't have it. What is a surprise is how the mantra of the "way" of the magnet school that she attended this past year, is "I am kind. I am calm. I am a listener. I believe I can, I know I can," and we live it at home - until I completely lose my shit.

It's hard. It's hard because I've been on my own for two months at night. It's hard because the level of severe ADHD is high. It's hard because I am not sure how I should interact with my daughter. I know that I am the best mom for her, but for the love of God, I am exhausted.

VOTE!

I took my kids to a political rally last weekend. It was a spontaneous adventure and they were, of course, bored. However, I want them to know that if they want to see change in the world, they have to do things like attend political rallies and vote in elections that aren't as publicized as presidential elections. I hope that I raise them to see things from a viewpoint of understanding. We're lacking that in politics, especially right now.

The US 2016 presidential election proved that we are a divided nation. There were so many people that chose not to exercise their right to vote that it is appalling. I have voted in almost every election that I have been able to since I was 18. Sometimes I wasn't well informed. Other times, I voted simply to switch things up. But, I exercised my right to vote and I applaud everyone else who has done the same. It's not always easy to find time to vote in the smaller elections, but they are more critical at establishing change than the national elections. When was the last time that you voted in a school board election or a city council election that wasn't at the same time as a presidential election?

In 2016, after someone telling me, "I probably voted for a headache," I wondered if there was any way that the other person would ever see my point of view when it came to politics. The answer was that even if you try to be well-informed, you are going to have to fight the algorithms designed to feed your already held beliefs and not challenge yourself. You may think that you're being informed, but until you actively suck it up and see what Fox News is saying if you're left-leaning or actively suck it up and see what MSNBC is saying if you're right-leaning, are you truly well-informed?
You can't be well informed if your source of news only comes from one source. Every media outlet uses context, audience, and purpose to deliver their message. News from organizations that typically have a left-leaning audience will cater to that audience. News from organizations that typically have a right-leaning audience will cater to that audience.

Let's agree that we will be politically active. We will exercise our right to vote - especially in the lower-turnout elections. Let's start being the change in our world and once we do that, we can change the world.

Work-Life Imbalance

I took time off. Two whole days away from the constant ping of "You've Got Mail." Two whole days without dreaded phone calls of angry parents or panicked students. Sandwiched between my two whole days off - we celebrated an early Christmas, played with cousins, and I saw all my parents (real and step).

Today, I went back to work. I work for an amazing organization and they encourage us to have balance in our life. They encourage learning. They encourage us to be the best of our best self every day at work and at home. They expect us to do our jobs well, but they don't expect us to do three days of work in one day - so why do I?

I answered more than 50 emails today, graded at least fifteen tests (probably closer to twenty), went to two meetings, scanned and organized documents to send out, returned phone calls, and sent out notes for one of the meetings I attended.

Was there anything so urgent that one or two of those tasks couldn't have waited until tomorrow? No. But for some reason, I decided that I needed to do three days' work in one day.

This weekend was two intensive days of travel and one solid day of playing. The kids saw every single one of their cousins this weekend and who doesn't like time to play with cousins? Couple that with one-on-one time for our oldest with both Mom and Dad at the hotel pool and you're likely in heaven.

However, returning to work after intensive travel is hard - and I wish I had taken the rest of the week off. I've never ran out of vacation time in my five years of full-time employment with this company; however, I am paranoid about not having enough in the spring. This is unlikely to happen - so why do I feel like I need to have an imbalance when returning from vacation?

My Story - The Reason that I am Pro-Choice - Part 1

I am not here to change the mind of the fundamentalist Christians who believe that a baby's life starts at 8 days past conception - a time when few women know they are pregnant. I am not here to change your mind about your beliefs and am taking a big risk publishing this due to backlash from my own fundamentalist conservative family, but I am ready to share my story and why I am pro-choice. This is simply my story - the accounts of what I have seen, felt, and experienced are mine. You are entitled to your opinion, but I am writing this as much for a healing experience for myself, as well as hope for any other parents who find themselves facing the unique horror of guilt accompanying every decision about parenthood.

Our life was moving forward. I was working on my master's degree and my husband was working on a second 2 year degree in Local Area Networking from a nearby community college. I was heading into my third year of teaching high school Spanish at a smaller 3A school in Iowa. This was the first year that I would actually have my own classroom space where I could decorate the walls, and have some consistency from hour to hour. Soon after the school year started, I became a tired that I had never felt before. I became a tired that was inexplicable - and although I wasn't good at tracking when my last period had been, I had an inkling that I could be pregnant.

We lived in the small town that I worked in and there weren't a lot of choices in where one might go to buy a pregnancy test, so I waited until I could make a trip to a town about 20 miles down the road to buy one with some annonymity. I took the pregnancy test. It was positive. I scheduled an appointment for early October and I had no clue how it would even be possible for us to afford a child. My summers consisted of earning secondary income, as we were not quite a single earner household; but rather a household that worked multiple jobs to try and become debt free (and we're still working on that).

It was Friday of homecoming week and my principal was able to find coverage for my classes so that I could go to my first doctor's appointment. I loved that little thing growing inside me, but I was worried - worried because so many people I knew that lived in the same town had miscarried. Worried because I was so tired. Worried because of so many different reasons and I remember asking my doctor, "Is there anything I can do to prevent a miscarriage?"

She composed herself and patiently explained that there was nothing that we could do to prevent one and said it was too early to be able to put the fetal monitor on at this visit, but we could probably hear it by the next visit. I scheduled the next two appointments on my way out the door and left happily.

My world was soon rocked. I went to the bathroom and saw the spotting begin. I had no idea what to do, but had been told to call the doctor's office if any bleeding occurred. My classroom was occupied during my prep period, and the only phone available wasn't one that had much privacy. We lived close enough to the school that I was able to run home without any problem.

Although I had a cell phone, at that time we still had a landline and I had concerns coming at me from every direction. My principal called my home phone at the same time the doctor's office called. I was instructed to come in for an ultrasound and they would see if they could find the baby's heartbeat. Graciously, my principal found coverage for my afternoon classes and I headed to the ultrasound with my mom and husband in tow.

At this point my 26 year old self was very emotional and very hopeful. that everything would look normal on the ultrasound. It did. Usually, the research says that once a heartbeat can be found a pregnancy will likely be viable. However, I had to be of the smaller percent that could find a heartbeat on an ultrasound, have a predicted due date, and still miscarry.

My baby was ripped from my body by nature much too early. All in the capacity of 14 days, I went from a first prenatal appointment, a heart beat on an ultrasound, to an emptiness of the possibility of being a mom.

This sent me on a 2 year journey of fighting infertility and having repeated miscarriages. Never having been a small individual, it was suggested that I work on reducing my BMI to below 50 so that infertility treatments could work better.

By restricting my gluten intake, decreasing my carbs, and walking on a regular basis to the tune of 3 miles per day in the hilliest parts of town with our dogs, I succeeded in reducing my BMI and then was prescribed a medicine used for cancer treatment that also boosted fertility in women.

It worked. After 5 miscarriages (the first being the worst), I had gone a full two weeks since the last of the fertility treatments and there was still no sign of a period. None. I tried to be patient and wait just one more day, but I finally gave in and tested my urine for HCG. Paranoid that it wouldn't show the second line, I didn't breathe while I waited the 3 minutes to find out if the second line would appear. It did.

It appeared again the next day. And the next. And the day after. And finally on the fifth day, I believed that I could legitimately be pregnant and I called the doctor's office. "Come in for a blood test" they said. I'd heard it before and wasn't convinced the HCG levels would continue to rise, but they did. I had a blood test on Wednesday and another one on Friday. I closed our after school swim lessons 10 minutes early so that I could make it to the larger town for the blood test and waited. I waited for the results of that test - and then I waited for the results of the next one repeated 48 hours later. It was agony.

But they rose. I had my ultrasound to confirm my pregnancy on December 6th. I met with my doctor for the first time the following month and had the best birthday present I'd ever had on January 6th, 2010. My pregnancy made it to 12 weeks and my Christmas letter from my dog explained his $8000 journey and announced my pregnancy. Life was good. My baby girl was growing (and I'd be sure to tell you that I was pretty certain that it was a girl by 16 weeks).

At 18 weeks, my ultrasound confirmed that my mom instincts were right and they were 80% sure that I would have a girl. By this time, I had transitioned to teaching English Language Learners at the district level. (Three buildings and all grade levels). Throw into the mix being asked to teach preschool and I had to reveal my pregnancy to the administrator in charge of the program.

Life continued along with an easy pregnancy until school was almost out. At that point, I had a high blood pressure scare and was forced to do the 24 hour pee test. Being between buildings, I had the ability to still work and go home to relieve myself. That urine test was fine.

Life floated along while I made a daily trip to the outdoor swimming pool through the month of June. I had a doctor's appointment where my blood pressure was high and another urine test was ordered. Much easier to do in the summer - I didn't have to plan my bathroom stops around my breaks. The doctor made me come back later in the week to follow up and for some reason I had my husband take the day off.