Seashell Nails

One of my co-workers recently said, "We all have the same amount of time. Each of us has the same amount of time as Bill Gates, but we all choose to use it differently." Yes, we all have the same amount of time in a day, a week, a month, or a year; but, how we fill that time is unique to our lives. I choose to fill my time with my full-time day job, volunteering opportunities at my children's school, teaching swim lessons, writing, and reading mostly.

Tonight, though, I let my daughter lead the way. She's already a high-maintenance kiddo at eight years old and loves the opportunity to get her nails painted, but she likes even more painting my nails. Several years ago she found some pink nail polish and I allowed her to paint my nails. I had finger nail polish all the way to my knuckle, but she was proud - and I showed it off on Facebook. This evening, she went all out for the experience of having a spa-like treatment at home. The petite little girl carried a bucket of hot water from our bathtub to the living room so that I could soak my feet while she painted my fingernails! Her attention to an ABC pattern was extreme and of course rounded out my nails with sparkles.

Her engagement in making me feel like a princess was wonderful - aside from her throwing my book on the ground (I thought we were just doing toes). I sat and relaxed while she attended to my fingers and my toes and I focused only on my breath while cherishing her willingness to create a special bond between us. Then it was my turn to paint her fingers and toes. And it was her idea to match. :)

Sometimes, I get wrapped up in the horrible things I have going on - stress at work, trying to sell a house, having a swollen optic nerve, and fighting a chesty (is that even a word to describe it?!) illness for a month - that I forget to appreciate the small, ordinary things I can do with my kids. But tonight I remembered to slow down. I remembered the mom that I wanted to be and the reason that I became a mom and we relaxed together to the tun of what we decided were "seashell nails."

You're Looking Skinny

I was working on my #ThisIsUs blog post on Monday, but had to walk away because I couldn't figure out how to combine everything I wanted to say together. Tonight, I deleted some information and decided that it was time to start a new post. The words that I wrote about how I related to Kate seemed to stand on their own and open up doors for new posts.

Yesterday, I was walking down the hall at work when one of my co-workers said, "You're Looking Skinny." I am definitely not skinny by any sense of the word, but I have lost more than 25 pounds since the beginning of the year.

Up until yesterday, I really didn't think anyone noticed. I really didn't think that it was any more visible than Kate's monologue about losing forty pounds without a fad diet or pills. I was feeling like it was invisible - my efforts, but with that small acknowledgement it gives me hope that I can continue a slow and steady journey to better health.

Are you on a journey to better health? Leave a comment with what you're doing to take control and be healthier.

This Is Us

Last week in my misery, I did get some quality time with Hulu. I watched the full first season of The Resident, and watched the season premieres of This Is Us and The Good Doctor. In my busyness of being a mom, working two jobs (one full-time and one very part-time), writing, and volunteering, I have few occasions to veg out and binge watch television, but when you can't breathe and talk for more than two sentences, watching TV becomes almost as attractive as sleep.

I absolutely love This Is Us. Maybe it is because Kate, Randall, and Kevin are in their mid-thirties so their life experiences are my life experiences. Maybe it is because Jack and Rebecca have a fabulous love story. Or maybe it is because it is just a well-written script and it pulls you in. But, in all reality, it is probably because I identify with Kate.

Spoiler Alert: I will be giving things away about the first episode of season 3, so read on with caution.

Season 3 begins at the end of Kate and Toby's wedding, fast-forwards to throwing out pregnancy tests that say "Not Pregnant" and a visit to the doctor's office where Kate is told she has PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome). Unlike Kate, I never was diagnosed with PCOS, but like Kate, I was told that my weight was likely causing my infertility problems. Like Kate, I have never been small. Like Kate, I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. Unlike Kate, I never considered IVF, but like Kate, I sat across from doctors that said, "at your BMI, a pregnancy is likely to be unsuccessful." And also like Kate, I walked out of doctors' offices in tears.

At her birthday brunch, Kate blows out the candles, tells everyone her wish for a baby and then breaks down and says, "Do you know that I've lost 40 pounds? Yep, slow and steady, no fad diets, no pills, no slip ups." Then Kate describes how hard it is to be positive, how hard it is to not give up, and how hard it is to never feel like you have a break.

As a person who has been labeled obese my whole life, I look at the medical community that is trying to be empathetic and say, "I know this isn't what you want to hear," or "I know hard it is to cook healthy meals," and think in what flipping universe do you know what it is like to be me, a person who has never been thin? So, like Kate, I have walked out of doctor's visits wondering when is the universe going to cut me a break.