When I started out on this whole adulting thing, I refused - vehemently refused - to shop at Aldi. It was not a store that I wanted to waste my time at because I was perfectly willing to pay for convenience. After my son was born and we moved to a larger city, I found my way to Aldi.
What I also found was that it wasn't a waste of time, but a huge time saver. They don't have multiple brands (aside from special buys), so I have no decision fatigue in navigating the right value for the food I am purchasing. They no longer operate on a cash-only basis, which helps with the whole convenience thing too (because who has cash anymore?).
Today, my six year old and I headed to Aldi for some ingredients to make eggplant parmesan. The eggplant already existed on my counter and I needed to do something with the obscene amount of vegetables that we have collected from our CSA over the past two weeks, so tonight's menu - eggplant parmesan. So my son and I journey to Aldi where the requests for cheesy crackers and chocolate syrup can be indulged in because the total of my bill will still be thirty to fifty percent less than if I were shopping at a different supermarket.
So now that I'm well into my thirties and definitely much more seasoned in this adulting world, I find that Aldi may not have all the bells and whistles of a bigger supermarket chain, but I guarantee you that I am not waiting in line wasting my time any longer at this wonderful grocer than any other larger grocery store.
Saturday, August 18, 2018
Thursday, August 16, 2018
It's Not Having What You Want, It's Wanting What You've Got
"It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got." - Soak Up the Sun by Sheryl Crow
In January, I really started to focus on personal development. I read The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson, joined Noom, downloaded Calm, and continued my daily journaling practice. Although there are many things that each media taught me, the best gift that I can give myself is gratitude.
Happy people are successful people. Jeff Olson devotes a whole chapter to this concept in The Slight Edge. Calm has a seven day program to explore gratitude. Noom celebrates what is going well in a journey to lifelong health - and focuses on all aspects of health, including mental health.
To be happy, one must be grateful. So often, we focus on all the things we don't have. We focus on not having a new car or a new house. We focus on not having a new job or new relationship. But, what if, instead, we focus on the home that we already have? The car that takes to and from work, the job that pays our bills, or the relationship that we've invested in over time?
Sheryl Crow says it well in Soak Up the Sun, "It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got." When we want want we already have, we can be grateful. We can appreciate life around us and we can be part of a kinder humanity.
As a person I practice kindness everyday. I begin my work day with thank yous and end my day reflecting on what I am grateful for. Generally, I am not thankful for stuff, but rather I am thankful for the interactions that I have had with someone. And, my quarter of an investment in the way of a card can put a smile on someone's face for the day and I often get some kind of acknowledgement later, which I don't need, but I am happy to celebrate someone else's day.
As a mom, I need to share this with my children. We talk about things that make us happy and sad during the day, but I hear, "Mom, I need to order a new Power Ranger Megazord from Amazon. Mom, did you know there's a toy store in Kansas City? Mom, Walmart has a toy section [giggle, giggle]," nearly everyday from my 6 year old. So now that I am focused way more on having gratitude in my adult life, I am going to start posing the questions to my children, "What do you already have that you are thankful for?" and "How can we spread more kindness in the world?"
Tuesday, August 14, 2018
My Gifts
I took the dog out for a quick walk tonight. We generally don't go on very many walks, but I am trying to change my lifestyle - and it's definitely not super easy. On our walk, I was thinking about the gifts that I have in my personal and professional life.
First, I am patient. I am about the most patient person on the planet until I've hit my limit of stress for the day and then I snap. I snap at my husband. I snap at my children. I snap at the dog and the cat, but if you're a stranger I probably won't snap at you. I tell other people that my own mom "has the patience of a saint - for anyone that is not her child." Generally my patience is not just for those strangers, but is for everyone in my life.
Second, I am calm. I stay very calm - except when I've told my daughter 18 times that it is time to go and finally have to resort to yelling at her to get even a minuscule amount of her attention. I offer up the choice and consequences of her actions as calmly as possible and on the days she's had her medicine it works - other days not so much (she has ADHD).
Third, I am great at training others. I give step-by-step directions. They are detailed and they start at the beginning. So when I am training other colleagues on a new software program, I deliver an SOP with screenshots and it starts at the very beginning. I write user-guides like I am making them for my own mom - who again has the patience of a saint - for anyone that is not her child. If I am trying to teach her something new, especially when it comes to technology, I start at the power button and work my way up from there. With screen casting, I can also make videos which is incredibly helpful in my professional life teaching ESL students.
Are these all my gifts? Nope. Is this the short list of my most outstanding ones? Yes. Now I am off to give the greatest gift of all - the gift of reading to my children and promoting literacy at home.
First, I am patient. I am about the most patient person on the planet until I've hit my limit of stress for the day and then I snap. I snap at my husband. I snap at my children. I snap at the dog and the cat, but if you're a stranger I probably won't snap at you. I tell other people that my own mom "has the patience of a saint - for anyone that is not her child." Generally my patience is not just for those strangers, but is for everyone in my life.
Second, I am calm. I stay very calm - except when I've told my daughter 18 times that it is time to go and finally have to resort to yelling at her to get even a minuscule amount of her attention. I offer up the choice and consequences of her actions as calmly as possible and on the days she's had her medicine it works - other days not so much (she has ADHD).
Third, I am great at training others. I give step-by-step directions. They are detailed and they start at the beginning. So when I am training other colleagues on a new software program, I deliver an SOP with screenshots and it starts at the very beginning. I write user-guides like I am making them for my own mom - who again has the patience of a saint - for anyone that is not her child. If I am trying to teach her something new, especially when it comes to technology, I start at the power button and work my way up from there. With screen casting, I can also make videos which is incredibly helpful in my professional life teaching ESL students.
Are these all my gifts? Nope. Is this the short list of my most outstanding ones? Yes. Now I am off to give the greatest gift of all - the gift of reading to my children and promoting literacy at home.
Saturday, August 11, 2018
Mom, How Do I Order it from Amazon?
I was sitting in the van, getting ready to take my children somewhere. I'm sure it was daycare or gymnastics - all routine places that we go frequently. There was nothing special about the day until my 6 year old son told me, "I need to order a #PowerRanger Megazord from Amazon."
My son labels everything with precise labels. He labels his transformers, #Bumblebee, and #OptimusPrime. He labels his shoes #Skechers or #UnderArmor. He speaks with precision so that we know exactly what he means - well most of the time.
So the surprise didn't come from, "#PowerRanger Megazord." It came from "order" and "#Amazon."
I don't know about the rest of you, but at 6 years old, I was not worried about ordering a new toy from a website. (Okay - websites didn't exist at all when I was 6). Nor was I worried about ordering a new toy from a catalog or off of an infomercial.
I'd love to say that when I was 6 I was riding bikes and digging holes, but the truth is, I don't remember what I was doing when I was 6. I do, however, know that I sure wasn't ordering anything off of Amazon (and my son won't be either).
My son labels everything with precise labels. He labels his transformers, #Bumblebee, and #OptimusPrime. He labels his shoes #Skechers or #UnderArmor. He speaks with precision so that we know exactly what he means - well most of the time.
So the surprise didn't come from, "#PowerRanger Megazord." It came from "order" and "#Amazon."
I don't know about the rest of you, but at 6 years old, I was not worried about ordering a new toy from a website. (Okay - websites didn't exist at all when I was 6). Nor was I worried about ordering a new toy from a catalog or off of an infomercial.
I'd love to say that when I was 6 I was riding bikes and digging holes, but the truth is, I don't remember what I was doing when I was 6. I do, however, know that I sure wasn't ordering anything off of Amazon (and my son won't be either).
Tuesday, August 7, 2018
My Morning Routine
I just finished listening to the audio book of My Morning Routine: How Successful People Start Every Day Inspired by Benjamin Spall and Michael Xander. The authors interviewed many successful people that described their morning routine and give advice to the listeners/readers as to how successful people start their days.
It is not surprising that many successful people do not start their day with email. Many have more introverted activities such as journaling or meditation, or even exercise, to begin their days and many will not put their phones in their bedrooms. As I listened to this I had some questions:
1.) Am I unsuccessful at getting enough sleep because my phone is my alarm clock?
2.) Could I be a freelance writer?
3.) Am I doing anything to inhibit my creativity?
4.) How do I define success?
5.) Is there room in my morning routine to add exercise?
I'd like to take a look at each of my questions individually.
My phone
When I go to bed, my phone is near my pillow. The "Do Not Disturb" setting is turned on from 9 PM to 5 AM. It is face down and I am generally not on it at night, unless all my physical print publications have been read and I have downloaded an e-book from the library. Most of the people interviewed for this book would not have a problem with my phone being in my bedroom, not being used, as long as I have the discipline to follow through on not using it (which is 95% of the time).
Freelance Writing
I spoke with my husband yesterday about the possibility of becoming a freelance writer. Ideally, I would find a book contract and I would become the next Jodi Picoult or J.K. Rowling; however, I am not sure how to go about finding an agent to break into that field - or even if I am in the right place at the right time like some authors find themselves. My goal for myself during the next year is to learn about freelance work. I will take an online class and I will commit to posting at least one blog post per week.
Inhibition of Creativity
I don't think I am inhibiting my creativity. That doesn't mean that I always have creative juices flowing through my veins, but I definitely have embraced "Creation Before Input." From the time I heard that phrase, I have actively put off logging in to my social media accounts to start my day. I may check them before I leave home, but not without my journaling and meditation time first. My routine is to let the dog out, feed him, get a cup of tea or coffee (depending on my relationship with sugar at the moment - coffee if I am carefree about sugar and want a little sugar with my coffee, but tea when I am conscientious of what is actually entering my mouth in the sweets department), retreat to my writing station - currently in the corner of our guest bedroom - where I journal for at least twenty minutes, and I follow it up with The Daily Calm. I would say that I am doing well at creating before I even think of checking my phone - but if I fail, I forgive myself.
Success
I want to compare myself to other people and measure my success by their houses, their cars, their lifestyles; but, I need to compare myself to myself from the past. When I focus on where I was six and eight years ago, I have grown exponentially as a person. Eight years ago I became a mom and there is nothing like a child that challenges you to have more of a routine. Six years ago our second child was born. He was a preemie. I have not only kept him alive (that's a huge success for all moms out there - go you) and he wants to play with me. That's success. My daughter is a reader now. She struggles with attention and she bombed her winter reading test, but she made huge gains in the spring and we've actually read this summer (another success). My marriage - definitely not perfect - has survived for 12 years. My student loans are nearly paid off and neither car is tied to a car payment - another way that I am successful. I have a job that I mostly like - and it pays me well, but also affords me the flexibility to attend all the kids' school activities and be a mentor to others. I'm going to choose to define success by my level of happiness - which is about an 8 or a 9 today.
Exercise in My Morning Routine
Right now, there's no way that I am going to attempt to add in exercise to my morning routine. I rise at 5:15 AM, if not a little earlier, and spend the first hour of my day journaling and meditating. I have never been a morning exerciser and when I have tried to add it to my morning routine in the past I have failed. Therefore, I am perfectly happy keeping my exercise for later in the day when I can be social with others at an aqua aerobics class or swim some laps at an outdoor pool. It's okay that exercise in the mornings doesn't work for me. Maybe if I get to be a freelance writer exercise will slot in an earlier time, but for now evenings it is.
Overall, I would say that my morning routine allows me to focus on myself. Self-care is an important part of my well-being, but I still struggle with the "mommy-guilt" when I put myself first. Now that my children are older, "mommy-guilt" is slowly disappearing and it's being replaced with "why the &%$# did I want kids." But occasionally I see the markings in my journal with "Mome, I luv you," and I am reminded that my kids are watching how I navigate the world and I can only hope that they give themselves permission when they have kids to take care of themselves.
It is not surprising that many successful people do not start their day with email. Many have more introverted activities such as journaling or meditation, or even exercise, to begin their days and many will not put their phones in their bedrooms. As I listened to this I had some questions:
1.) Am I unsuccessful at getting enough sleep because my phone is my alarm clock?
2.) Could I be a freelance writer?
3.) Am I doing anything to inhibit my creativity?
4.) How do I define success?
5.) Is there room in my morning routine to add exercise?
I'd like to take a look at each of my questions individually.
My phone
When I go to bed, my phone is near my pillow. The "Do Not Disturb" setting is turned on from 9 PM to 5 AM. It is face down and I am generally not on it at night, unless all my physical print publications have been read and I have downloaded an e-book from the library. Most of the people interviewed for this book would not have a problem with my phone being in my bedroom, not being used, as long as I have the discipline to follow through on not using it (which is 95% of the time).
Freelance Writing
I spoke with my husband yesterday about the possibility of becoming a freelance writer. Ideally, I would find a book contract and I would become the next Jodi Picoult or J.K. Rowling; however, I am not sure how to go about finding an agent to break into that field - or even if I am in the right place at the right time like some authors find themselves. My goal for myself during the next year is to learn about freelance work. I will take an online class and I will commit to posting at least one blog post per week.
Inhibition of Creativity
I don't think I am inhibiting my creativity. That doesn't mean that I always have creative juices flowing through my veins, but I definitely have embraced "Creation Before Input." From the time I heard that phrase, I have actively put off logging in to my social media accounts to start my day. I may check them before I leave home, but not without my journaling and meditation time first. My routine is to let the dog out, feed him, get a cup of tea or coffee (depending on my relationship with sugar at the moment - coffee if I am carefree about sugar and want a little sugar with my coffee, but tea when I am conscientious of what is actually entering my mouth in the sweets department), retreat to my writing station - currently in the corner of our guest bedroom - where I journal for at least twenty minutes, and I follow it up with The Daily Calm. I would say that I am doing well at creating before I even think of checking my phone - but if I fail, I forgive myself.
Success
I want to compare myself to other people and measure my success by their houses, their cars, their lifestyles; but, I need to compare myself to myself from the past. When I focus on where I was six and eight years ago, I have grown exponentially as a person. Eight years ago I became a mom and there is nothing like a child that challenges you to have more of a routine. Six years ago our second child was born. He was a preemie. I have not only kept him alive (that's a huge success for all moms out there - go you) and he wants to play with me. That's success. My daughter is a reader now. She struggles with attention and she bombed her winter reading test, but she made huge gains in the spring and we've actually read this summer (another success). My marriage - definitely not perfect - has survived for 12 years. My student loans are nearly paid off and neither car is tied to a car payment - another way that I am successful. I have a job that I mostly like - and it pays me well, but also affords me the flexibility to attend all the kids' school activities and be a mentor to others. I'm going to choose to define success by my level of happiness - which is about an 8 or a 9 today.
Exercise in My Morning Routine
Right now, there's no way that I am going to attempt to add in exercise to my morning routine. I rise at 5:15 AM, if not a little earlier, and spend the first hour of my day journaling and meditating. I have never been a morning exerciser and when I have tried to add it to my morning routine in the past I have failed. Therefore, I am perfectly happy keeping my exercise for later in the day when I can be social with others at an aqua aerobics class or swim some laps at an outdoor pool. It's okay that exercise in the mornings doesn't work for me. Maybe if I get to be a freelance writer exercise will slot in an earlier time, but for now evenings it is.
Overall, I would say that my morning routine allows me to focus on myself. Self-care is an important part of my well-being, but I still struggle with the "mommy-guilt" when I put myself first. Now that my children are older, "mommy-guilt" is slowly disappearing and it's being replaced with "why the &%$# did I want kids." But occasionally I see the markings in my journal with "Mome, I luv you," and I am reminded that my kids are watching how I navigate the world and I can only hope that they give themselves permission when they have kids to take care of themselves.
The Reality of Having a Child with ADHD
My child was recently diagnosed with ADHD. It wasn't a surprise that she has it. After all, her dad does.
What is a surprise is how little I know about it, even though I am an educator. What is a surprise is how wearing it is on the person that doesn't have it. What is a surprise is how the mantra of the "way" of the magnet school that she attended this past year, is "I am kind. I am calm. I am a listener. I believe I can, I know I can," and we live it at home - until I completely lose my shit.
It's hard. It's hard because I've been on my own for two months at night. It's hard because the level of severe ADHD is high. It's hard because I am not sure how I should interact with my daughter. I know that I am the best mom for her, but for the love of God, I am exhausted.
What is a surprise is how little I know about it, even though I am an educator. What is a surprise is how wearing it is on the person that doesn't have it. What is a surprise is how the mantra of the "way" of the magnet school that she attended this past year, is "I am kind. I am calm. I am a listener. I believe I can, I know I can," and we live it at home - until I completely lose my shit.
It's hard. It's hard because I've been on my own for two months at night. It's hard because the level of severe ADHD is high. It's hard because I am not sure how I should interact with my daughter. I know that I am the best mom for her, but for the love of God, I am exhausted.
Tuesday, February 27, 2018
VOTE!
I took my kids to a political rally last weekend. It was a spontaneous adventure and they were, of course, bored. However, I want them to know that if they want to see change in the world, they have to do things like attend political rallies and vote in elections that aren't as publicized as presidential elections. I hope that I raise them to see things from a viewpoint of understanding. We're lacking that in politics, especially right now.
The US 2016 presidential election proved that we are a divided nation. There were so many people that chose not to exercise their right to vote that it is appalling. I have voted in almost every election that I have been able to since I was 18. Sometimes I wasn't well informed. Other times, I voted simply to switch things up. But, I exercised my right to vote and I applaud everyone else who has done the same. It's not always easy to find time to vote in the smaller elections, but they are more critical at establishing change than the national elections. When was the last time that you voted in a school board election or a city council election that wasn't at the same time as a presidential election?
In 2016, after someone telling me, "I probably voted for a headache," I wondered if there was any way that the other person would ever see my point of view when it came to politics. The answer was that even if you try to be well-informed, you are going to have to fight the algorithms designed to feed your already held beliefs and not challenge yourself. You may think that you're being informed, but until you actively suck it up and see what Fox News is saying if you're left-leaning or actively suck it up and see what MSNBC is saying if you're right-leaning, are you truly well-informed?
You can't be well informed if your source of news only comes from one source. Every media outlet uses context, audience, and purpose to deliver their message. News from organizations that typically have a left-leaning audience will cater to that audience. News from organizations that typically have a right-leaning audience will cater to that audience.
Let's agree that we will be politically active. We will exercise our right to vote - especially in the lower-turnout elections. Let's start being the change in our world and once we do that, we can change the world.
The US 2016 presidential election proved that we are a divided nation. There were so many people that chose not to exercise their right to vote that it is appalling. I have voted in almost every election that I have been able to since I was 18. Sometimes I wasn't well informed. Other times, I voted simply to switch things up. But, I exercised my right to vote and I applaud everyone else who has done the same. It's not always easy to find time to vote in the smaller elections, but they are more critical at establishing change than the national elections. When was the last time that you voted in a school board election or a city council election that wasn't at the same time as a presidential election?
In 2016, after someone telling me, "I probably voted for a headache," I wondered if there was any way that the other person would ever see my point of view when it came to politics. The answer was that even if you try to be well-informed, you are going to have to fight the algorithms designed to feed your already held beliefs and not challenge yourself. You may think that you're being informed, but until you actively suck it up and see what Fox News is saying if you're left-leaning or actively suck it up and see what MSNBC is saying if you're right-leaning, are you truly well-informed?
You can't be well informed if your source of news only comes from one source. Every media outlet uses context, audience, and purpose to deliver their message. News from organizations that typically have a left-leaning audience will cater to that audience. News from organizations that typically have a right-leaning audience will cater to that audience.
Let's agree that we will be politically active. We will exercise our right to vote - especially in the lower-turnout elections. Let's start being the change in our world and once we do that, we can change the world.
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